:: Super Yokohama Bros. ::

:: Friday, February 21, 2003 ::

Okay.

Somebody's gotta say it.

Notorious B.I.G. was dope. Except when he was wack.

Christopher Wallace was at his best when he wasn't concerned with R&B Hooks and one Mr.
Sean Combs injecting his voiceovers into the production ("bad boy baby").

My compadre (sr. kelliston yokohama) thinks otherwise, and finds it outright amazing that someone
like big, who comes off with what might be mistaken as a speech impediment could have been
so highly regarded.

It's been often said that death is one of the best career moves, as it assures that you will be seen
as a fricking genius.

Unfortunately, this holds true for many, but others cannot shake the death as a career move rap.

Back to Biggie. He was at his best when he dropped shit like "Dead Wrong", "Things Done Changed", "Gimme The Loot"...

One of my favorite verses:
Because the streets is a short stop
Either you're slingin crack rock or you got a wicked jumpshot
Shit, it's hard being young from the slums
eatin five cent gums not knowin where your meals comin from
And now the shit's gettin crazier and major
Kids younger than me, they got the Sky grand Pagers

(admittedly, the video game references on "Juicy" should probably have been omitted)

But, this gave way to... well, sheeit. his verses on later shit were great, (even "Mo Money Mo Problems")...

But, the addition of Ma$e, and Puffy (and the R&B singers) killed it.

I liked the old, stressed, suicidal Big (fuck, and he named an album "Ready To Die") much more that the loc-ed out:
"escargot, my cargo" shit... (it just felt lame). I didn't ever cotton to Biggie, the millionaire player...

His delivery was better, his lyrics were rougher, and I could say I didn't mind being called a fan.

But, man... that shit got -wack-

Matthew D. Diez

:: 9:11 AM [+] ::

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Yes, and as a followup.
Know much about Chubby Checker?

Invented: "Dancing apart to the beat".

Now, you have to ask: wtf is "dancing apart to the beat"?

Is it
a: dancing apart, to the beat?
you get your dance on, but don't actually touch the other party (goths dance this way)
b: dancing, apart to the beat?
you get your dance on, but don't actually do it on beat (goths dance this way, too)

So, the conclusion:
Goths owe a lot to Chubby Checker.

Mr. Checker, who nabbed his name from Fats Domino (please tell me you get it), is angry with
the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and deems his contributions as important than those of elvis,
and chuck berry.

See, because without Chubby Checker, rock and roll wouldn't have a dance. (Look, man, I don't fucking get it
either).

So, he wants his statue at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame - NOW!

So, what dances did Chubby Checker invent:

1. The Twist - (Hit number 1 on the charts in 1960 and 1962 - the sixties sucked)


2. Let's Twist Again - Okay, chubby, we'll twist again


3. Pony Time - When you drink your Miller Ponies, I suppose... Like miller time.... I like this dance


4. Slow Twistin' - Sly and Robbie had a hand in this... i'm told


5. Popeye the Hitchhiker - (WTF? Open your can of spinach, and stick out yr. thumb?)


6. Twist it up


7. Twistin' USA - Like anyone other than American would enjoy twisitng so thoroughly


8. La Paloma Twist - Chubby gets all ethnic on us.

I can only assume this man has a singleminded dedication to the art of twisting.

Matthew D. Diez

:: 8:16 AM [+] ::

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Think about it, "rock" as we know it is best described as Zepplin-on-out (include the Who, the Stones, Lynyrd Skynyrd, etc) - and you get the
"classic" rock bands of the sixties and seventies. This is intentional, the boomers will make damn sure that we'll never forget it.

But, I'm beginning to think the taxonomy we should (or, at least tend to) employ is....
but, it begs us to treat "rock" and "rock and roll" as two separate entities. One, which
is clearly derived from blues influences, and was popularized by Chubby Checker, Jerry Lee Lewis,
and Chuck Berry is "rock and roll" - and yes - rock and roll is dead.

As soon as long haired white guys came in, we started calling it "Rock".

And yes - rock is dead. It's deader than dead.

Matthew D. Diez

:: 5:19 PM [+] ::

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Just filed my taxes. I recommend you do the same.

Back to music:
The title "Adult Alternative" is wacker than the Bulworth soundtrack.

In other words, Adult Contemporary, once the hallowed domain of artists such as Michael Bolton.... and ... hrm .... Kenny G? (can I say this?)
now has its own competition with itself.

Remember the whole Pop vs. Rock vs. Alternative debate?

Do you remember when people said that they liked "Alternative Rock"?
Do you know that people STILL say they like "Alternative".

Man, we need better titles.

So, for good examples of "Adult Alternative" (which, as far as I can tell, is folk music with better production quality?) ...

well, are there good examples?

Matthew D. Diez

:: 11:23 AM [+] ::

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I'm beginning to suspect that there is (or perhaps has been) a real rift forming in between the flavors of rock music these days.

I'm not one to wax poetic about the proles or the patricians or any such faggot shit, but, let's be honest here:

NME is quite the de facto arbiter of "hip" (Sorry, Rolling Stone, Spin, AP), and is in constant pursuit of new bands that sound like, well, old bands.

These bands, we find, are quick to be likened to Lou Red/The Velvet Underground or any other such early seventies wunderkinder). And, we see
manifestations of the early seventies (and perhaps slightly before that) worship in our beloved Hives, Strokes, White Stripes, et al.

Now, the rock press is quite quick to push us in the direction of these bands, all the while decrying the "death" of rock. (The London music press is particularly bad about this... and are phenomenal misjudgers of talent, or at least American taste... Andrew W.K. - I'm looking in your direction).

Currently, the band they're pushing is called "The Datsuns" (surprise, surprise - a fucking retro band, even with an outdated, retro-ass name), who come off
like (as one music journalist puts it) : "a delightful combination of The Who, MC5, Deep Purple"....

Now, let me attempt to figure this out (yes, I'm putting my class warfare hat on):

The "real rock" kids, are probably listening to Limp Bizkit, Default, and that band that sings about the Sickness. (I'm not quite sure -what- sickness is being referred to... but, go ahead and get down with it anyway).

And, this stuff is decried as "nu-metal" or "rap rock" by the music press.
So, I ask, with the pretty hefty album sales witnessed by these groups, why are we saying "rock is dead"?

Maybe, what they mean is "smug, intelligent rock" is dead. This, I can appreciate, because, chances are, it is.

Quick Definition:
Real Rock - You know, the shit guys with trucks like to listen to.
Indie Rock - Vespa, anyone?

Now, what hits me as perverse is this:
All of the Indie Rock these days, is old "Real Rock" (Redneck Rock?) dressed up, and moped (no pun intended... oh fuck... roll with it) down.

So, when, clever, college kids emulate dumb bands (AC/DC, anyone? anyone?) it's considered revivalist, and high art.
When dumb bands make their own dumb music, it's seen as the death of rock.

Notice the problem here? (And, yes, greg, Smugness is a bad quality)

Matthew D. Diez

:: 4:42 PM [+] ::

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Simple, Greg:

Canadians can appreciate that a band doesn't have to be hard to sing songs like:
"it's my dad, my name's chad, it's too bad, he's my dad, my cousin brad"

Matt's Rule of Canadians #1:
You don't have to be hard to be Canadian.

Now, we've been given some really great examples of "hard" Canadians.
They are as follows:

1. Skinny Puppy Drug Addled Vancouver Boys


2. Wolverine - A Fictional Character.

That is all.

What? You thought I was gonna say "Neil Fucking Young"?

I can't stand that smug bastard.

Matthew D. Diez

:: 11:49 AM [+] ::

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In Memory of the Careers of the Guys in Hoobastank:

To The Guy, The Other Guy, The Asian Guy, and The Finnish Guy:

You have to be, at least the, third-or-fourth best half-assed Incubus knockoff.

Be proud. Be proud, because Incubus is clearly, without a doubt the seventh-or-eighth best band
to emulate Mr. Bungle. (Maybe ninth... but... who's counting?)

Matthew D. Diez

:: 8:28 AM [+] ::

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Remember Hoobastank?

Nope... neither do we..

Matthew D. Diez

:: 9:27 PM [+] ::

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Sharon Osbourne got better looking as she got older.

It's like collecting interest on a debt.

As a matter of fact, shit. She turns your career around, makes you rich, and keeps on looking better.

Do you think Ozzy deserved it? Do I need to collect a couple more bad habits to find a woman like that?

I mean... damn ... she doesn't even stop him from drinking.

Now that is true love.

Matthew D. Diez

:: 9:06 PM [+] ::

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One more today....

Okay.... Owen Wilson?

What?

Matthew D. Diez

:: 8:27 PM [+] ::

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Ever remember when Geraldo Rivera was a real journalist?

Nope? Me neither.

I'm listening to Dr. Octagon's "I'm Destructive", and the opening sample involves Geraldo interviewing some psycho hillbilly murderer.


Geraldo: "Now you tell me how you can live in an apartment with the pieces of a person rotting away with decay and not know it?"
PHM: "I was totally sick to tell the truth."
Geraldo: "Washing bones. Why were you washing bones?"
PHM: "Cause they were smelly."

Rupert Murdoch knows gold when he sees it. He knew it when he saw Geraldo, all right.

Matthew D. Diez

:: 8:10 PM [+] ::

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kelly has suggested that the best way we generate content is to brazenly steal it from other blogs.

Billy Corgan is the first up, to have hit shit brazenly stolen. And we're glad. Unfortunately, we can't
seem to find his blog.... we've checked:

http://imafrickinggenius.blogspot.com

http://imaheadofmytime.blogspot.com

http://noreallyiwasaheadofmytime.blogspot.com

http://thatcourtneybitchgotrichoffme.blogspot.com

http://howsthatbitchgonnagettostayupallnightatmtv.blogspot.com


No luck so far...

Matthew D. Diez

:: 7:53 PM [+] ::

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Welcome to the arbiters of wack.

The Wack FAQ:
Version 0.0 (that's zero-point-nothing):
Q: What is wack?
A: Trent Reznor's first album, before he sold out.

Q: You mean The Downward Spiral?
A: Nope.

Q: You mean Broken?
A: Wrong again.

Q: You mean Pretty Hate Machine?
A: Alright, you're testing me, huh?

Q: Oh wait ... you mean....
A: From the tip of your switchblade, honey.

Matthew D. Diez

:: 7:28 PM [+] ::

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